; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
