The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
