I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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