I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Sorry my hands just texted you
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize