i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
