I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
