The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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