I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
