Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize