Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
