What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
