don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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