i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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