is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
