I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
