i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
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