Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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