Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
