I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
