she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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