i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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