Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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