Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
