Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
