It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Such a big mess for such a small penis
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
