I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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