Who did Billy Mays play for?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize