He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
