Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
