I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
