are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
