I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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