I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
