Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
