I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
