If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
