Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
