my room smells like sperm. sweet.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
