Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
