I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
