in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
