maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
