Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
