One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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