I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
