i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
