Tell her she can't have a vagina
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
