The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
