I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize