the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
