Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
