You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
