I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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