$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
