Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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