ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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