Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
