if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
