i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize