So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
