just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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