A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
