this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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