508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
