awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
