Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
