he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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