She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize