Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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