College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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