Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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