this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
