dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
