How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
