just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
