I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
