Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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