quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
this beer tastes like vomit already
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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