I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
