My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
