wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
