Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
